And I will ask the Father,

and he will give you another advocate

to help you and be with you forever—

the Spirit of truth.

The world cannot accept him,

because it neither sees him nor knows him.

But you know him,

for he lives with you and will be in you.

I will not leave you as orphans;

I will come to you.

Before long, the world will not see me anymore,

but you will see me.

Because I live, you also will live.

On that day you will realize that I am in my Father,

and you are in me, and I am in you.

Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.

The one who loves me will be loved by my Father,

and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

(John 14:15-21, NIV)

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

I’ve spent a lot of time alone. I’m a freshman in college, but I’ve also been a junior in high school. I’ve been a sixth grader. I’ve been a kindergartner. But I’ve always been somewhat of an anomaly. I’ve often been described as “that girl who’s always reading in the corner.” I launched myself into worlds of fantasy and created worlds of my own. My only company was the voice in the back of my head telling me I wasn’t worthy of love or compassion or friendship. I think that was because, for so long, I didn’t have anyone I could turn to. Family, friends, or even God. Not to say he wasn’t there. Just that I never exactly felt his presence. I’ve been in church my whole life, but it wasn’t of my own doing. I’ve been baptized twice, I’ve gone to church camp, and I've gone to all the youth group concerts. But I don’t think I ever did it for the right reasons. First, I went because my mom went. Then I went because I wanted to be with my friends. Then it morphed to feeling like I had to fit the mold of everyone around me.

It wasn’t until I got to college and found the ACF that I began to realize my part in all of this. I realized that I do have a family. It may not be the most traditional, and it may not be blood, but it’s real. My friends are supportive and so very welcoming. The second I stepped into the ACF, it was like I had been there for years. Our hangouts are always so filled with laughter and friendship. I especially remember this year’s first girls’ lock-in, which was where I made my strongest bonds with the friends I’ve made. But most importantly, I found my relationship with God. The weight of loneliness no longer hangs from my shoulders, dragging me down. Not only do I have people in my life who care for me, but I have God leading me every step of my life. The journey is still rough; the road is long, narrow, and winding. But I feel as if I have stepped into a new day, where I can see the light. And I have someone standing right next to me, loving every part of me, the whole time.

While I would love to say that I know I will never again falter in the trust I have for my Lord, I know that’s impossible. Doubt will always plague my mind in some shape, form, capacity. But I now know that I can turn to the Lord with my anxieties and struggles. I will never earn his love or compassion, yet I still feel it in boundless light upon my face. It strengthens me through all of the trials of life and reminds me that there is always something greater coming. I have peace in knowing that no matter who I have around me on the Earth, my rightful place is in the House of the Lord Almighty.

The Road That Leads Me to Him: Via McMillin

POWERED BY SQUARESPACE