Growing in Gratitude Through Remembrance: Adam Guillory

For the first time in a while, due to personal circumstances, I have been struggling with worry. Not only that, but serious and intense anger, fear, and all around, hurt. Over the past few weeks, I have nursed anger and resentment towards people who do not deserve it. Simultaneously, I have turned a blind eye towards big issues in my own life, which I should respond to. Thankfully, God has started me towards the path of healing, and, by my friends, has absolved my resentment.

These aforementioned circumstances also have taught me the vocabulary for some deep and long lasting fears. I feel grateful that I know what they are and have a name for them, but I have noticed them much more in my interactions with people around me. I hope that by God’s healing and provision, those fears and demons can be bested, but I do not yet know from where that healing will come, so I will use this time to ask for you to pray for me.

Because of these circumstances, I have also learned that gratitude is a posture which I need to learn in order to live my life, so I have tried to practice it so that one day I can be grateful for all the good gifts God has given me, and not be focused on the things that I cannot control and do not have. I’ve begun this practice by making an intentional effort to remember God’s grace in my life, whether it takes the form of a bed, a wedding, Communion, or a friend giving me money to help me through to the next month. God is always there, and He always has been. I simply need to remember.

Memory in and of itself is such an important vessel God has given us, that we can love Him better. A book I read recently had a lot of quotes about remembering God, one of them I like is, “They asked the Lover: “Will thy Beloved ever take away thy love?” and he answered: “No, not while memory has power to remember, nor understanding to comprehend the Beloved’s glory.”

Love for God is directly tied to remembering Him, and is assisted by our understanding of Him. Therefore, to grow in gratitude, in remembering the good gifts which God has given us, is to grow in love for Him. I want to remember Him more and more every day, and if that causes me to forget everything else in life, then it would be a life well lived.

From love comes healing, and that is what I have begun to pray for. God will heal me, and everyone affected by the problems surrounding us, and He will work in His own time. He has already taken on all of my burdens and is waiting on me to give them to Him with open arms. Because of my sin, I am not there yet, but I trust that His love will endure forever, and He is patiently watching me struggle until I give Him what ails me. 

The image of what I must look like to Him is that of a toddler trying to walk. He and the company of Heaven are surrounding and encouraging me, and every time I fall, they say, “Uh oh!” and pick me right back up and put me back on my feet to try again. There is no scorn, there is no anger, but a certain playfulness within God, as He watches me and holds His arms open wide. The day that I am able to walk all the way to Him, and embrace Him as the good dad He is, there will be a lot of cheering, and a lot of laughter and joy from all the company of heaven.

In short, God is good, and He loves you and He loves me dearly. Though there are times in which we struggle and fight and don’t know up from down, He is there, watching us, holding us, disciplining and healing us, that we may learn to love Him more and more, and that we may grow into the people that He wants us to be.

Amen.

Adam Guillory is a senior Engineering major at Louisiana Tech and has blessed our community with his presence and joy since he showed up on our doorstep the fall of his freshman year. His wisdom, excitement, and tenacious desire to serve are priceless gifts to our ministry. Adam is passionate about swordsmanship, D&D, puns, and his friends. He will be serving his fourth year on our Discipleship Team this school year, and it has been a delight to see him grow in his faith.