Crying Into My Quesadilla: Jonathan Henderson

My first visit to the Wesley three years ago was supposed to be a one-and-done, but you can tell how well that has gone by the fact that I’m writing this post to you. I was really only going so I could support my second best friend because of how excited she was for Race Talks that year. That person was none other than one of the Wesley greats, Khalilah Kersey. Just to be clear, not only does Khalilah get credit for bringing me back to God, but she brought me to the Wesley, and I cannot fathom what life would be like without this weird little place that I love. So, let me tell you about it! Once you visit this weird place and spend time with its weird people, you, too, will experience that God has a way of continually pulling you back to its doors. It becomes home.

Three years ago when I first went to the Wesley, the plan was simple: do not talk to people and do not get attached. I thought to myself, “I have enough friends and I like the ones I have, so I don’t need any more.” The plan was to go to Race Talks for Khalilah and then never see the Wesley again, but obviously the plan didn’t work. Instead, I was approached by people who were going out of their way to get to know me and become my friend without knowing anything about who I really was. I definitely did not make it easy for them, and for the longest time, I came up with excuses to avoid connection. However, an intern named Kyle kept constantly checking on me and asking me to hangout. I was almost at the point of frustration with this guy over how much he just wanted to learn more about me and kept asking me about it, so I finally caved and accepted his offer to hangout. I thought one hangout wouldn’t be too bad, and it would get him to stop asking. To be truthful, it wasn’t a bad hangout. It was also good in a way I had never expected. The hangout was supposed to be simple, just sit and eat quesadillas, but Kyle and I somehow ended up spending that whole hangout discussing how my father leaving when I was young had affected me growing up…and eating the quesadillas. In that moment, without really knowing me, Kyle became a space where I could share my pain, frustration, and confusion about a man whose absence had such a negative impact on my life. There was no agenda or endgame, only a person caring for another person. A person caring about me. 

That hangout opened my eyes over the following weeks as to how much I lacked a sense of community in my life. When asked “How are you?”, answering with “Aye, I’m living the dream” with a peace sign was no longer enough. That simple trick had always gotten me out of talking about the mess in my life, but not here. How easy it used to be to avoid talking about my life showed how I was avoiding community all on my own and how I actually didn’t expect or believe other people at my work or church to care. The Wesley wants to know you and what makes you, YOU. And yes, that means all the parts, even the parts you don’t want them to know at first. Never had I felt this loved or welcomed by a group of people. At this point I hadn’t started drinking the Kool-Aid, but I was sipping it. 

The next year I joined a small group after Pete Mace asked me about three gazillion times, but I am so grateful he had that many “asks” in him because that small group was vital to my growth as a Christian man. One night, we had plans to go over the latest chapter that was covered at The Well, but when Pete and Phil explained that what they wanted to do instead was go around and “Talk about what you are hiding from the people around you and don’t want to talk about,” I was sure it was going to be very quiet and people were not going to share. I was so wrong. We ended up spending that night confessing our sins and struggles to each other and asking our group for forgiveness. We cried and reminded each other that we were loved and that we were there to support each other. I do not know if Pete and Phil remember that night, but it showed me that their words weren’t lip service. They loved our group, and it showed when they were vulnerable to us, started the confession with themselves, and shed the all too common “I’m a leader and have no problems in my life because I’ve got everything figured out” skin.

Let’s do one last time-hop to this year. My love for Pete and Phil has grown so much because of our small group that we all moved in together! Even though we aren’t all in the same small group anymore, on Monday nights I am still excited to tell my roommates how small group went and to hear how Phil’s group goes on Thursday nights. By the way, they are interns now! I wouldn’t expect any less. Being able to see people from different walks of life come together to serve The Kingdom by serving each other has continued to show me what Christian community really is. The love of the people at the Wesley and the interns goes beyond being just a job, and it pushes me to be better every day. 

The people I have met these three years at the Wesley have made such an impact in my life that I can’t even imagine what life after the Wesley looks like. Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. As I’m writing this, I am feeling so much happiness and heartbreak because a member of the Wesley is moving on. I am happy Cris gets to go back home to New Orleans, and I know he will do an amazing job there, but I also hurt because of how close we’ve grown.  And honestly? I want him to stay because I won’t get to see my friend every day. I feel so strongly because I want to soak up every second I have with the people here. These are friends and brothers I will have for the rest of my life.

My faith has grown exponentially thanks to the community of Wesley, and I am truly convinced that there isn’t anywhere like it. It’s been God Who has been loving me and calling me into community with Himself over every salty quesadilla and every small group night, through the Khalilahs and Kyles and the Petes and Philips. The only regret I have at the Wesley is that I didn’t fully dive in at the start and am now seeing what I put off for two years. If you find yourself at the Wesley or are thinking about visiting, I would suggest going all in because this community is beyond worth it. You may think that you aren’t going to stay or get invested, but you will…. They will outlast you and will always be there, wanting to know you. They always do.

Jon is a treasured member of the community at the Wesley foundation and is always ready to listen and to love. He graduated from Tech in 2018 and currently works in the ticketing office for the athletics department. He loves wrestling, football, and cracking jokes.